| We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl |
[08 Mar 2009|03:45pm] |
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This week has been DRAMAVILLE, USA. I haven't been involved with so much conflict since Jr. High and all I can say is that I'm happy that it's over, at least for the most part. Annoying girls and cute guys and me are not a good combo. I don't think I've ever been so betrayed and embarrassed in my life, but hey, 4 months of High School left (which is so scary to say).. and I'm over it.
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| I don't wanna dream if it won't come true. |
[19 Feb 2009|03:08pm] |
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My body is not on the same track as my mind. I don't feel well at all. I hate how I always get sick on winter breaks or any days off from school. I'm sitting here with my 2nd cup of tea and a book and really don't feel like going to work at 4. All I want to do is snuggle up with my tea, book, and blanket. But it's Thursday and I only work until 7, so I don't think it'll be that bad. We'll see how it goes.
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| Lion's Mane. |
[01 Feb 2009|07:54pm] |
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Run like a race for family
When you hear like you're alone
The rusty gears of morning
And faceless, busy phones
We gladly run in circles
But the shape we meant to make is gone
And love is a tired symphony
You hum when you're awake
And love is a crying baby
Mama warned you not to shake
And love's the best sensation
Hiding in the lion's mane
So I'll clear the road, the gravel
And the thornbush in your path
That burns a scented oil
That I'll drip into your bath
The water's there to warm you
And the earth is warmer when you laugh
And love is the scene I render
When you catch me wide awake
And love is the dream you enter
Though I shake and shake and shake you
And love is the best endeavor
Waiting in the lion's mane
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| 25 things. |
[01 Feb 2009|12:27am] |
There was this cute little list going around on facebook and I feel the need to do one.
"25 random things about yourself"
But, it might go over 25 aha.
1. I listen to 3 specific songs every single day of my life. The lyrics engulf me and seriously, if I don't listen to them it's like I'm going through withdrawal. There's something so amazing about music, but the people who create it are truly genius. The words are so smooth and effortless and I just don't understand how it's possible to create a sanctuary through music, but it is.
2. If I see pennies that are face down, I turn them over in hopes others will find luck.
3. I drink tea absolutely every single day of my life. Heck, I'm even drinking it now. I'm going to drown in it one day. Nothing beats coming home from school or work and having a nice, hot cup and feeling the warmth go through your bones.
4. No matter what I do, I try to stay true to myself. And to be perfectly honest, I think I've done a good job with staying with it. I won't change myself for anyone, and I like the person I am.. or at least most parts.
5. My room is flooded with sketchbooks, pencils, sharpies, and ink. I love drawing, it's so calming and comforting. I love to create something no one else has.
6. I am so grateful for having the family that I have... sometimes I feel like I don't deserve them. Speaking of family, I miss my brother more than words. I'd do anything for him to come home and beat me up again.
7. I'm ridiculously sensitive and cry at movies like it's my job.
8. And speaking of jobs, I love mine. I feel guilty that they pay me because there's a good 2 days a week that I don't really do anything.
9. I love the smell of books and the sound that they make when you crack them open for the first time.
10. I could walk aimlessly for hours. Walk with me and I'll love you forever.
11. I love hugs, so, hug me. I just don't like forced hugs.. from people I don't like.
12. I love peacocks and probably have about 8 peacocks worth of feathers in my room.
13. I smile when I see others smile. It sounds pretty lame, but I really do.
14. I always get scared that people don't like me. As much as people say that they "don't care what other people think of them", I think they're lying. I'm so shy and I'm afraid it comes off as being conceited, I'm the total opposite of conceited and I'm sorry if I gave anyone the wrong impression.
15. I'm always cold.
16. I love my books all too much.
17. I like the beach better in the Winter than in the Summer.
18. Big Fish is DEF my favorite movie ever. I know every single word by heart.
19. There's just something so adorable about birds. I don't know why.. but I really do love birds.
20. Teeth. I love nice teeth. I'm a total creeper and will freak out about how amazing your smile is.
21. I don't hate many people, I want to say only one or two, but I do strongly dislike some. Before you ask, yes, there is a difference.
22. I like even numbers except when I'm drawing.
23. The smell of the transitions from season to season is something I look forward to.
24. There's something about the beginning of February that I love.
25. "Everything looks perfect from far away". Is probably the most meaningful lyric in my book.
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| Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time. |
[26 Nov 2008|03:28pm] |
Ever hear one of those songs and you immediately just get addicted to it?
Well, I'm experiencing it with the song "A Swell Season" by the band The Swell Season.
Such a great duo. When I saw the movie ONCE with Glen & Marketa I was immediately drawn to their music and downloaded a whole bunch of their songs and always thought the song "The Swell Season" was just an into to one of their songs, but I was so ecstatic to fund out that it was actually a full length song! But the point of this little rant is that it is so haunting and beautiful.
Today was just one of those days. Nothing to really complain about because the day was pretty much useless. Oh well. Work tonight until 9... woohoo. Wenesdays are good days though considering I work with Sean ans he actually does some work, unlike anyone who works there. But yeah, right now I'm ODing on tea and indifferent about tomorrow. Thanksgiving should be fun but it's going to be so weird not having my brother hiome....
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[20 Nov 2008|12:05am] |
Apparently I'm sad today?
Nope.
I'm actually really happy right now. :)
Haha, wow. Thanks for basically telling me I look like shit.
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| OH, you humor me today.. |
[13 Oct 2008|12:12pm] |
“Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, a little timidly, “why you are painting those roses?”
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began, in a low voice, “Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose tree, and we put a white one in by mistake...”
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| we are nowhere and it's now. |
[11 Oct 2008|01:41pm] |
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if you hate the taste of wine. why do you drink it till you're blind? and if you swear that there's no truth and who cares how come you say it like you're right? why are you scared to dream of God, when it's salvation that you want? you see stars that clear have been dead for years but the idea just lives on... In our wheels that roll around. as we move over the ground, and all day it seems we've been in between a past and future town. we are nowhere and it's now, we are nowhere and it's now. and like a ten minute dream in the passenger's seat while the world was flying by. I haven't been gone very long. but it feels like a life time. I've been sleeping so strange at night, side effects they don't advertise. I've been sleeping so strange with a head full of pesticide. I've got no plans and too much time. I feel too restless to unwind. I'm always lost in thought as I walk a block to my favorite neon sign. where the waitress looks concerned but she never says a word, just turns the juke box on and we hum along and I smile back at her. and my friend comes after work when the features start to blur. she says these bars are filled with things that kill. by now you probably should have learned. did you forget that yellow bird? but how could you forget your yellow bird? she took a small silver wreath and pinned it onto me, she said this one will bring you love. and I don't know if it's true but I keep it for good luck.
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| eeeeeeek |
[03 Oct 2008|09:46pm] |
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applications scare me.
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| I felt your poltergeist love like Savannah heat. |
[31 Aug 2008|09:14pm] |
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I went on a walk with my mom yesterday. It was nice. Took my camera and a few good shots. I miss my mother, as sad as it sounds, and I spend every single day with her. It was nice to just get away from everything and walk aimlessly with her.
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| I'm just tired of wasting time. |
[28 Aug 2008|10:34pm] |
I've been breathing in the summer air for far too long, and the first traces of Autumn are slowly coming through. I mean, I know - it's still eighty degree weather - but the nights have been so chilly and crisp; and the air holds that cool, earthy scent.
Or maybe I'm just concocting those thoughts and desires in my head and I'm just really bored with the Summer... I think that's more accurate.
But anyway, my bones ache with excitement for October and the bright leaves of Autumnal colors.
I am anxious for school to start too. I know I have not enjoyed my prior 3 years of high school as much as I should have, but I plan on making a change and having a good time my last year. Hey, better late than never, right?
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| Take it slow, take it easy on me, and shed some light. |
[29 Jul 2008|07:12pm] |
Yesterday was a pretty good day. Nothing totally spectacular happened. I woke up, showered and whatever and then hung at home till about 3. Then me and my mom went to get a manicure and pedicure, but they were kind of backed up so we ended up not staying cause I had work at 4. So then I went home and had some lunch and then went to work.
I saw Eric for a few minutes and wanted to see how his first day back on the job was, considering he hadn't been in for the 5 months that I had been working. He said it was good, but he looked totally and completely excited to get out of there (not gonna lie, leaving for the day is the best part of any job). I then started putting stuff away and Gus came over and told me I had to make phone calls for the programs.. which I don't mind doing at all, I actually like it. So around 5 I went up to his office and did that and then I came back down at 5:30 and Sean was there so we split everything. After about an hour there wasn't a lot to put away because Eric was a huge help, so we "gossiped" for a little while, which was nice considering I have never really talked like that to him before. Then, it was 8:00, so I checked out my movies and went home.
I ate dinner and went on the computer for a little bit. My mom and I watched The Illusionist and Miss Potter which were both pretty great movies, if I do say so. And then it was like 3 am so I went to sleep.
Today was boring. I don't even feel like typing it.
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| If you hate the taste of wine, why do you drink it till you're blind? |
[27 Jul 2008|07:03pm] |
Friday, July 25.
I woke up kinda late, but didn't really mind it. I showered and did the usual and pretty much did nothing up till about 7 except my mom and I went shopping for a little bit. Heilly came over around 7 and she was so adorable. Haha, she just got back from London, Paris (which apparently isn't all it's cracked up to be), and Wales. She brought me back a shirt and postcard which was totally unnecessary but totally cute at the same time. We then went on a walk to Dunkin' Donuts (haha, it's our thing to get iced coffee in the summer/spring and hot coffee in the fall/winter). We got followed by Kathy Bates for a little bit. She told me all about her trip and not gonna lie, I am totally jealous. Then we went back to my house and I ate dinner (she didn't because she ate before she got here) and then we went on a walk to Ralph's. We were really in the mood for a Sugar Free Chocolate Italian ice, but they were out. How can you be out of that? So we ended up not getting anything and went back to my house and we had some popcorn. It was cute. She left and I had to get up early, so I went to sleep after that.
Saturday, July 26.
The alarm clock unfortunately went off at 7 because I had to go to work from 9 to 5. So I did the usual, showered and got ready and then made myself a healthy breakfast. I read the paper, had my coffee, and then brushed my teeth and before I knew it, my dad was there to pick me up. So, I gathered all my junk and put them in my huge Marilyn Monroe (Andy Warhol) tote and I was off. My dad dropped me off and then the day dragged on. I put tons of books away, while my coworker, June, did absolutely nothing. But hey, life's like that. I had lunch at 12 where I ate my frozen grapes (<3) and lunch and then called my mom. I talked to her for about 20 minutes and then I had to go because my phone was dying. So, I sat there for a good half hour doing nothing and then went back to get .. well .. back to work. So the second half of the day was longer than the first but it eventually ended. It was pretty long considering I was just about the only person on Long Island that didn't go to Warped Tour (so overrated), so no one came in to work. My mom picked me up at 5 and then I went home quick to get a water, and then we went food shopping (haha, I know, you're jealous) and then we went home. I helped out with dinner (!!) and then helped clean up because I lack a social life. So after dinner my mom and I watched a movie, my dad was dead tired, so he went to bed early. It was nice.. just me and her. I guess I don't realize how much of a good mother I have, and how I take everyone for granted. So, I had a cup of tea and then went to sleep. And that was that.
Sunday, July 27.
Today was boring. But really nice at the same time. I kept waking up all throughout the night because there was so much thunder. I didn't really mind it. Actually, I loved it. It's been like that all day, and it continues now. I didn't really do anything.. showered and for the first time in ages: I didn't do my hair. I look a little crazy cause I didn't put anything in it, but figured that I wasn't going to do anything, so I would give the hair a break. My mom and I had a cup of tea and then she was thinking about what to make for dinner and realized that she didn't have butter. So, lucky and crazy looking me, has to go to the food store and get butter. So I go in, with my huge black bright eyes shirt, looking like a mess with no make-up and my hair not done, and I grab the butter and I am expecting to blend in and just hopefully not see anyone I know, and I go up to the cash register and of course it is a guy who is totally cute and the only one working there so I can't even go on a different line. And usually the cashiers don't say anything, but today - of all days - "LOVE your shirt!". Haha, I was kinda mortified so I shot him a quick smile and managed to communicate "thanks". And then I drove home and here I am now. Waiting for dinner and talking to my brother :) via aim. I miss him. The end.
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| WHAT IF I SAY I WILL NEVER SURRENDER? |
[24 Jul 2008|09:48pm] |
After a weird but good night last night, I woke up quite easily. I ate my breakfast and then I worked out for a little bit. Then I took a long shower and then did my hair like always. We then got a call from my Uncle saying he and his wife were going to stop by in about ten minutes (they come up all the time, they live in Florida). I had no idea so I got ready in about 4 minutes, which is a good fifth of the time it usually takes me. They only stayed for a little bit which got me aggravated, but it was about 3 then which was good considering I had work at 4. My mom dropped me off at work where I was swooning a bit, like usual. Nothing too interesting happened, but then my mom picked me up and we got Chinese food for dinner. And that was that.
Today was kinda boring, but I hope tomorrow will be much better. I am supposed to hang out with Sunshine which I am happy cause I haven't seen her in 2 weeks!! She went to Paris/Wales/London. So jealous.
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| We'll hold the hands of sinners and then we will pass... |
[23 Jul 2008|12:09pm] |
Well, after I wrote yesterday's entry, I showered and got read for the day (obviously... it's what I said I would do haha). Then I went to Michael's Craft Store with my mom so I could buy some drawing supplies and she could buy a scrapbook for my brother's new pictures. After Michael's we went to Linens and Things and then went back home. I then went out with my mom until about 7 and then just went home. I was pretty lame and had an Audrey Hepburn movie session (haha I got the Collector's Edition for Christmas) and drew a picture of her which is coming out pretty good. Then I watched What Not to Wear and then went to bed.
And now I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and listening to the rain against the window. I really like the rain, why you may ask? I don't know.
The rain, it tumbled down through the cracks in the sky.
Which made your hands grow, watch your hands grow.
And we still see through their plain shifted laughs;
we'll hold the hands of sinners and then we will pass.
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| And then she chose to dissect me |
[22 Jul 2008|01:07pm] |
New layout. I love Eisley, always and forever.
These last few days have been kind of rough. I've been a little depressed, but I'm starting to get over it.
I need to vent about it:
I can't really take my "friends" anymore. I have a good few, but the rest really suck. I'm only there when it's convenient for them and I am sick of being stepped on. I'm done with that nonsense.
My parents pretty much miss my brother more and more each day. Really and truly, I think I do more. My parents got to go to Texas to see him graduate from boot camp, but of course my shit luck came into play and wouldn't let me go because I had 4 regents to take. I miss my brother so much, he's the only person I could really talk to. He got his orders and is going to be stationed in Germany. Worlds away. I am sad that he'll be there for two years, but so happy because it's what he has always wanted. He comes home for about two weeks in October, and I couldn't be any happier. I can't wait to see him.
I'll talk more about this later, I just have to go get ready for the day. Haha, too bad it's like 1, the day is practically gone.
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caseysmannequin's journal
